


Victory Dance

by Burndarker



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:42:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22491748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burndarker/pseuds/Burndarker
Summary: In the moments during the Resistance victory celebrations on Ajan Kloss, Finn has something to tell Rey. But Poe, waiting for the war to be over to reveal his own secrets, has something to tell as well. While Rey searches within to find comfort in the face of spending her life alone.
Relationships: ScavengerStormPilot
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	Victory Dance

**Author's Note:**

> For the Rafia crowd, and a few others, who have never told me to stop writing that nonsense...  
> And for Seph7- One day, I'll shoot the drama-llama, promise.
> 
> Word Count: 2460  
> Warnings: Psychological torment, PTSD, suicide ideation.  
> Rating: PG-18 to NC-17, depending on chapter.  
> Some material not suitable for minors.

Timeline: The night of Victory over the Sith Empire/Final Order

The deep umber of the night skies was awash with color and glare, as ordinance normally reserved for combat was now used in celebration. Ajan Kloss, once the hidden final base of the Resistance, was now the scene of incredible revelry, the forest greens, yellows, and browns now brought to even greater life as blues, reds, violet, and brilliant golds exploded high in the air, set off by X, Y, and A-wing pilots, as they lent abilities once honed in fierce combat to a different kind of flying altogether- one of jubilation.

On the forest floor, fires lit the ground as drumming and laughter boomed out among the jungle foliage, from inside the base as well, as the remaining fighting members of the Rebellion gathered together with the smugglers, pirates, scoundrels and rogues of a thousand worlds to enjoy the victory they had fought so hard for, and finally won. Returning heroes, new-made compatriots, friends old and new clapped hands, backs, embraced and smiled- 

Finally..Oh yes, FINALLY, the Galaxy was Free. After an Emperor once thought long since passed into history began a new campaign of terror across the stars, bringing death to worlds, had this time for certain, been vanquished, and his spirit banished into the Beyond that no one ever returned from. 

On other worlds, as news of the victory over the Final Order spread, a resultant cry of triumph could be heard, if one could discern it, across space, time, planets, and hearts. Monuments to the glories of tyrants and monsters were toppled once again, troops in white armor overrun by crowds too long oppressed by their faceless tormentors, thrown from balconies of buildings that were lost in cloud cover, or simply taken beyond village walls by the scores and shot down as traitors to galactic peace. Some troops, hearing the news of Exegol, stripped their armor off, and tried to find a way home, no longer feeling themselves heeding the call of duty for rulers they’d never met, ideals they’d never truly possess in their hearts. It had been a job to these men and women, nothing more. 

Now came even harder decisions, greater tasks- Reconstruction of a Republic. The rebuilding of existent trade routes, forging newer ones, the leaders that remained sure to be tasked with bringing a truer, more honest sense of justice to a galaxy long held under the sway of fear and hatred, as systems felt finally free enough to throw off the shackles of oppression. 

Not everyone was jubilant- for losses had been great in the clouded, lightning-shredded skies over Exegol. Thousands of lives had been taken in the massive aerial battle over the Sith homeworld, on both sides, the wreckage of countless Imperial Star Destroyers, Resistance capital ships, individual fighters, freighters, and others littered the planet, burning so intensely as engineering sections and fuel systems caught alight on the grey, hard surface of that world, that the glowing of the flames could be seen from space, nearly a quarter parsec away.

And even among the victors, costs had been high, and while there was a measure of joy to be had in the fight for freedom of a galaxy, it was cold comfort that many among the celebrants could not share that joy with ones they loved, and so they did what they could to share in the excitement, even if it was only half felt.

Some had retired to quarters early, having shared a drink of two for the sake of the others, then quietly slid away, to grieve for fallen loves, friends, mentors, in the peace and relative solace behind locked doors. Others, needing the company of the crowd and to shrug off the feeling of resigned satisfaction to the battle and war well fought, lost themselves in the moment, venting their emotions, finding momentary comfort in the arms of another in the hope of rebuilding a life that had been robbed from them by a faceless, half-dead monster- now, he was truly Dead, and their lives could begin again.

For a few, the losses had been too great, truths revealed far too numerous, and the cost of it all far, far too overwhelming- for those few, there was little jubilant about the victory, it had all been simply too much.

One such fighter, a leader really, though she’d have been hard-pressed to call herself such, sat apart from the others for a time, understanding that need for simple solitude more than a few might conceivably understand of her. She tried a smile as she heard Chewbacca’s overjoyed roar as he hugged Lando, for what must have been the ninth time, the briefness of it only interrupted by the raising of a cup to her lips, and the taste of slightly weakened Corellian mead that brought sweetness to her tongue and a warmth in her throat.

It was comforting, that heat, made her feel more alive than her sense of self would allow at the moment, and for a fleeting few seconds, she wanted more. Much more in fact, to understand what it was to become drunk, to forget what had transpired on that planet, if only she could.  
But she was Jedi, and one with the Force as an ally did not get drunk. That wouldn’t do at all-, so this was her one, and only, libation.

She knew it should be, but a second nagging thought in her mind was to find another cup, and drink, keep drinking until her mind couldn’t function any longer, and she simply, quietly, passed out from alcohol and the exertion of the past few days. 

Rey sat there, in shadow, amidst tech crates, flats of spent ammo canisters, the detritus of battle, sipping her mead slowly as she watched the others cheer themselves on. She knew deep down it did them good to revel, months and years of hardship, unimaginable loss and deprivation had to be nullified somehow- and one night of revelry was certainly deserved, even by her austerity-driven standards.  
One didn’t celebrate on Jakku, one survived, that was as best as it could get. The others could now afford to relax for hours instead of seconds- who knew, perhaps even days, as luxurious as the thought was to her- the concept of a day relaxing amidst all this green, among her friends, was something she’d not allowed herself to consider for a moment during the war, if at all. And now…

Now, there was time to consider…everything. Except she couldn’t. Even the flare of pyrotechnics overhead couldn’t keep the pang of ache in her heart completely at bay.  
Not when that ache had been so recently planted there, only to have death claim its owner. 

His smile came to her mind’s eye, yet again, after their kiss, before she’d realized the full extent of what he had done, before the total, horrifyingly painful knowledge of what his sacrifice completely entailed was evident, and he passed on into the Force- that moment that the hero in him had overcome the monster, and then cast him aside entirely. Her heart so full of emotion, there was nothing to do but kiss him, prove to herself what she had felt had been real, and to feel him that close, finally, then get them back home and begin a life together. 

She tried to stop herself, to still her mind from that moment’s reclaiming, banish it from her memory altogether, but it was impossible; there had simply, again, been too much between them. Whether or not it was Snoke’s manipulations, or Palpatine’s -she refused to think of him as her grandfather, that was absolutely too hideous to contemplate- didn’t matter to her. She knew the truth of her feelings in her own heart, that while she had despised the creature that was known to the galaxy as Kylo Ren, she’d known the goodness of Ben Solo, and that was how he would remain to her.  
Rey fought it back, the choking sob that threatened to quash that one happy memory of the kiss, and that smile they had both shared- It wasn’t fair! None of it was! 

Ben…Ben..why? Why leave me now- when we’d won? Why go away, when everything was finally right-?

A long-stifled tear broke the bough of her lower lashes, cascaded down her cheek as trembling fingers rose to her lips, as if to see if that kiss still remained on them, but it too had gone, remaining only in memory now-  
The cup holding her drink clattered on the lid of a tech crate as she bolted from her spot, feeling the sting in her eyes of newer tears, and knowing that the others could never see this, they’d never in a thousand suns understand- let alone accept- that a hero had loved a monster.

Instinct pushed her feet farther, faster, down a the path between enormous trees and night-blooming cycads, leaping effortlessly over the chasm of her training run, not even needing to tumble as she sped on, heedless, feeling all of it come crushing down on her, the weight of a hundred emotions that had fueled hope and fear, hidden love turned now to unbearable loss, and still she ran on, not caring any longer. Grief overwhelmed rationality, anger at yet another hoped-for future torn from her by circumstance and the needs of war. But what about her own needs?  
There was nothing in way of reply but the rushing wind in her ears, the tears streaking her face proof of everything she had suffered, and now lost to time. 

A brief, sibilant whisper began in her mind;  
'Nothing left, no parents, no Ben, no future…you know it’s true, there’s nothing for you but the failing memories of a love you never possessed. And how to stop it, this failure? The nothingness that will be your years to come, the loneliness twisting at you bitterly as loveless days turn into colder nights, for the rest of your very young life….'

The jungle parted from her view, and she saw the truth of that whisper, her face, old, embittered, hair grey with age and her skin sallow from a lifetime of hermitage, the scowl of her mouth, the anger flashing in her eyes. The vision told her what the future held; no wisdom, no passing on what she had learned, only indifference, bitterness, and friendless, empty time. There were no kind voices now, calling to her, giving her strength to continue fighting on- no, even they had deserted her-  
Heart nearly filled to bursting, lungs pumping air she couldn’t feel, everything she’d fought for beyond her thoughts…Only one drive remained, to purge it from herself, to put an end to the misery in her heart of the past months and years, and who or what was to stop her? How to purge it all from her, what direction?

The cliff face- Yes!  
She broke from the path and ran headlong out of the jungle’s darkness, onto a moon-and-firework-lit field that was broken in the brief distance by a few sharp crags where the land fell away to water below. Was there anything for her now? No- nothing at all – and other feelings flooded her, anger, the unfairness of it all, every moment of sacrifice and denial, pain and terror and grief overwhelming her senses until there was only one bright spot in her vision- only one solution to the agony that kept her legs churning onward despite exhaustion nearly causing her to stumble,- then pick herself back up and continue on

Three hundred feet down, to yawning rocks and the cold embrace of ocean, swept away by hard currents, or if she was lucky dashed against those same rocks, feeling nothing as she slid under the waves-  
The whisper spoke again, so persuasive, so understanding.

'Maybe, if you're fortunate, the Force will pity you, reunite you and he in the veil beyond the Force, grant you both some measure of happiness-' 

And behind the tears and pain, a tight, mirthless smile crept across Rey’s pained expression, as the whisper finished it’s quiet plea-

'Keep going…just a little bit farther, you’ll be with him, all will be well…'

~~~~~

Back at the base, an entirely different line of thought was going on in another mind-

“Where’d Rey go?”

If Poe Dameron had heard that once, he’d heard it six hundred times too many. He knew the speaker’s voice better than his own, it seemed. He turned from talking to Zorii Bliss with a raised hand, looking at Finn with some exasperation-  
“Excuse me? Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?”

“Yes, I see that. I’m seeing it. Now where’d Rey go?” The insistence in his voice, coupled with slight annoyance at being put off from something more important than Poe’s reigniting old flames, lent a slight tension in Finn’s manner, an eyebrow raised at his friend. “She was just here, I was going to go talk to her, now she’s gone.” 

“Oh? You finally worked up that nerve, didja?” Poe couldn’t resist the dig, “Gonna ask that question you forgot about?”

“We’re not doing this now-“Finn retorted, his perturbance gaining ground every passing second. He stood there, hands on his hips, deep brown eyes demanding to be answered.

“Oh yeah, we’re doing this now.” Poe folded his arms, started straight at Finn. “What’s so important you gotta ask? Maybe she just wants to be alone, ever consider that?”

Zorii lifted her hands skyward in exasperation, a sigh escaping the bronzium helm. “Later on, flyboy- “

“Hu-what?” Poe barely caught what she’d said, but it was too late, turning back to her, he discovered Bliss had disappeared, again. Now Poe was annoyed- “If you knew how long it took me to get her back here…”

“Ten minutes, I counted.”

“Ten..you what?...” Poe couldn’t keep the surprise off his face, “why would you count?”

“Do you know where Rey went or not?”

“No, dammit, I don’t.” 

Finn turned and left his friend standing there, to turn and try to find Zorii again, as sudden concern gave way to deep worry when a ripple of fear and grief went through him like a shot..he suddenly felt his heart hammering, and an echo of it as well- “Rey..No…”

Walking turned to striding…striding to a jog, then break-neck speed was the only thing that would suffice- something was horribly, terrifyingly wrong…  
An image flashed in his mind…deep blue water, a cold beyond anything he’d experienced, and overwhelming need to find his friend-

……To Be Continued


End file.
